Honesty

I'll admit it - I was one of the people that read Mark's blog and my defenses went haywire. It was not a pretty sight and I did unlock the door for JAWZ and let him bring his friends for a while. AND I also called San a couple of times to talk through my feelings and to try to get to what was really going on (THANK YOU SAN!!!). It's amazing to listen to myself as I talked to her and towards the end of our 2nd conversation yesterday I realized a BELIEF I had that holds me back.

Growing up, we didn't have a lot of money. We always had food on the table, but going out was rare. Even when I went to college, I watched my money and didn't go out a lot. So once I really started working and making decent money, part of my definition of success was being able to enjoy food, both at home and going out. And, that food was often times rich in calories...and when dining out - dessert was always a finishing touch. So I felt that I had worked hard to get to the point to enjoy ANY food.

Now I know that the freedom I have is even more important. I can afford more organic, I can be more selective to honor my body so I can enjoy the other pleasures in life that are out there waiting for me. I don't need food/poison for validation. It's even better than I could imagine.

I leave for vacation on Saturday. A week in San Antonio. It will be an active week, Mark and I do love to explore. I'm actually glad I'm not a person that sees vacation as laying by the pool or on the beach. I know I can get through this vacation without gaining weight - that's an easy goal. But, if I'm going to play full out here, I want to make this interesting. I am going to commit to losing between 3-5 pounds betweeen today and when I return on October 25th. AND I am going to have a FUN and INSPIRING vacation too!

So Mark - Thank You for the wake up call and for your belief in all of us. I know I've been making progress and I also know that I can do more. I am THINKING about this amazing healthy and fit person that I am becoming and taking step every day to get closer to that goal.

And San, Thank You for listening and helping me tear down a few walls. You are amazing and I am blessed beyond belief to have you in my life.